i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
