phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
