Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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