i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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