New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
