I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
