Someone shit on the floor
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
