My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
