Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
