if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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