I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
