he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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