i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
