mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Boobs are out for the taking
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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