The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
