Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
