census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
