thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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