Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize