he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
