He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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