Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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