im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
