Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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