my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
