Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
