I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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