I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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