what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
