Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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