you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Randomize
