never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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