I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
