sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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