I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
