I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
