Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You ate ashes out of my bong
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize