Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
