Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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