Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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