i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
