plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize