she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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