Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
