oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
