He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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