I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
