After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
A+ Viking dick
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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