They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
