we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
