Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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