If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
