If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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