Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
