I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
