She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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