I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
