Christians are straight up FREAKS
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
