i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
