no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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