I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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