Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
