So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
