She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
