i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my being single is dangerous.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
