You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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