just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
