I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize