he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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