question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
