dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
