Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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