I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
