Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
