The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
