You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
