Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize