Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
