Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
