i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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