Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
