Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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