is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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