Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
