I cockslap morals
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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