Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Randomize
