No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
