If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
