I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
