sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
