Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
