I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
