i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
