In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
