Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
