can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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