We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
don't judge my taste in strippers
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
