dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
