i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
