I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
