New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
