Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
dude. I can hear the air.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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