I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
