when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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