Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
