New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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