I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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