I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
